Wishing is not Hoping
Ever since we were children, people have encouraged us to wish. For example, the phrase, “wishing upon a star,” has warped our minds into thinking wishing is the same as hoping, and vice versa. This my friend, is where most of the emotional and psychological danger happens.
I am all for going after your dreams and making the most of this precious life. I am even all for thinking positive about your life and the people in it. Most certainly, if we only think badly about situations and people, there really is no chance of it getting better.
However, what many don’t realize is that wishing (or what they may call “hoping”) can almost do just as much damage. Because in reality, it is actually a form of resistance. Let’s look at the actual synonyms for this word as an example: wanting, needing, desiring, coveting, requiring, craving, demanding, asking, etc. Nowhere on this list (provided by MS Word) is the option of hoping.
All of the words above indicate a sense of desperation. When there is a feeling of desperation present, you know resistance is right by its side.
Resistance—Your Worst Enemy
SO, what is resistance? Well, let’s take a look at its synonyms: conflict, confrontation, battle, struggle and the list goes on!
Resistance happens when we push against something instead of flowing with it. When we do NOT come from a place of acceptance and inspired action. But instead, come from a place of wanting, wishing, demanding, etc.
Here is a hypothetical scenario with two characters as an example. Person A, is a young child who is wishing that they will get lots of presents on their birthday. Persona B, is a mature adult who is hoping their birthday is a pleasant one, and is taking action to make this happen (i.e. ordering their own birthday cake, inviting people over they know who are reliable and giving these same people plenty of time to plan ahead).
Because the child, is only a child, they can’t really do much else but “wish.” But, as you become an adult, you can let go of the wishing and embrace the many different positive possibilities. You can take life into your own hands and create a great day.
And even if for some reason things don’t go as planned, you can choose to still have a good day. You can hope, but not get so attached that you ruin your day by being stuck in disappointment and resisting what IS. You can surrender to other possibilities.
For example, when no one shows up for your birthday and the amazing cake you ordered fell out of the car, you can choose to wallow in self-pity all day. OR, you can choose to do something like this: go to the dollar store, get some decorations, buy a cheap cake substitute (and know you don’t have to share *wink*), come home, sing yourself Happy Birthday, turn on some tunes and create your own dance party, eat cake for dinner, and watch some of your favourite movies without having any interruptions!
In the latter scenario, you are taking life into your own hands and choosing to have a good day, despite the present circumstances. You are choosing to be your own hero, instead of a victim!
One saying that does continue to be helpful is, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” This is what people are actually talking about when they say this. Use your divine intelligence and love to transform every moment into an opportunity.
A Way to Make Lemonade
I am not saying that you do not have a right to your feelings and shouldn’t be disappointed. Of course, you can have your initial feelings, but don’t let yourself get stuck there! Here are some methods that I used recently to help me through a difficult situation:
- Called a person I trusted to discuss my feelings and be open to a different perspective.
- Meditated. As always, Oprah and Deepak had perfect timing when they recently launched another free 21-day meditation challenge. And guess what? This time it was on HOPE. Be sure to check out their latest here.
- Used EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which is also known as “Tapping.” This allowed me to move past my anger and hurt and look for solutions. If you want a free guide on this method, be sure to check out this page.
- Wrote my heart out. First with raw feelings, allowing everything to come out with no judgement. Then, after an epiphany—this article! If you would like to learn more on how writing can help you heal and be happier, check out my free e-course here.
Another Danger of Wishing
As mentioned above, resistance is the main danger of wishing. However, there is another consequence I would like to discuss, that often has rippling effects of destruction.
Wishing, because it first occurs when we are a child, it can put us back at a place of being immature, naïve and more vulnerable emotionally. Even though children are great at getting what they want, usually it is at an expense of a power struggle and manipulation.
As parents, we know that sometimes, what may seem unfair is actually for the best. It is the parents’ job to set clear boundaries, so children grow up with integrity.
Even as adults, if we are aware, we can quickly identify who was spoiled, or who had more enlightened parents. For example, the person who lies and manipulates to get their way versus the kind and honest person that naturally gets what they want because they simply asked nicely. And even after not getting what they want, instead of holding a grudge or stomping their feet, they make lemonade.
Getting trapped in the mindset of your inner-child is not a healthy place to be. It can have consequences on all of your relationships. However, for healing it is necessary to have awareness of this and work through it privately. In the free writing course mentioned above, I walk you through this process, so you can start making more conscious and mature decisions, which inevitably will help you get what you want/need more often.
From Wishing to Hoping
Let’s get back to discussing the actual process of wishing. I don’t know about you but when I picture someone wishing, they are on their knees in a pleading position. However, when I think of the true meaning of hoping I see someone walking towards the light at the end of the tunnel.
Two things to take note about the hope image above are:
1) The person may be in darkness but they know there is light eventually.
2) They are taking action (walking) towards their desired result. They are taking responsibility and not expecting someone else to fix it for them.
The next time you are in a situation where you “wish” for it to be different, think of this image and what it symbolizes. Tell yourself the following, “I can choose to see light in this situation or at least see the light at the end, that is coming soon. Here, I will find peace. I also choose to listen to my higher self/spirit for guidance on what the next inspired action is. Then, I will listen and follow through.”
Coming from this place will give you the BEST chance of turning around a situation AND the best chance of it happening quickly!
Wishing is a desperation out of the ego. Usually our wishes are shallow, and are often unfulfilled. However, our true hopes and dreams are deep, come from a higher place, and are aligned with the universe. Therefore, are more likely to be manifested, when purposeful action is taken.
So, wish all you want, but you will not attain your most meaningful desires, until it is transformed into HOPE.
Besides the suggested tasks already mentioned, I encourage you to do the following, so you can start to have awareness if you are in a place of “wishing” or “hoping”. Make a WISH list and a HOPE list—then compare the two! You will start to see the difference and even delete many of your wishes, as you know they will naturally come forth once your hopes are realized. Or, better yet, you may realize that you don’t need to wish for these things at all, because your life can be gloriously fulfilling without them!
Be sure to share your results, in the comments below—I would love to hear thoughts! Also, if you are looking for more intuitive tools to help you achieve your deepest hopes and dreams, be sure to sign up to the newsletter. Or, if you opt-in for one of the free tools mentioned above, you will automatically be signed up to the newsletter. And of course, you have the choice to “opt-out” at any time, here or anywhere!
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