An Unexpected Reason for Your Low Self-Esteem

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The Struggle

Basically, most of my life I have suffered from low self-esteem. Today it is much better but there still are bad days where I think I am scum of the earth. In fact, I think even the most confident people can have these “bad” days.  

There were many reasons I could say why I had/have low self-esteem, such as; having been teased a lot for having red hair, being a younger sibling to 4 older ones, my weight at times, not being popular in school, living below the poverty line many moments in my life, etc. However, the level of pain due to this low self-esteem did not seem justified from these external factors. 

Most people probably believe that others, or they themselves, have low self-esteem because of external attributes. This could include things such as weight, social class, race, their unique interests, etc. All of these things can be seen from the outside. But what if there is another type of prejudice that plagues others but, is rarely talked about?  

The Secret Prejudice

These are internal prejudices. Meaning, they may be able to be recognized from the outside (from the way one talks, dresses etc.) but more often it is not obviously seen. It is an aspect of one’s personality. This is why it goes deeper and can be more painful than external factors that are sometimes changeable and often not really “personal”. When someone claims they don’t like you because of your race, yes it is painful because you can’t change that either but, you can just chalk it up to them being ignorant and perhaps let it go easier. However, when someone claims to not like you, because of, well, who you actually are, it cuts even deeper.  

The time where I finally figured out the main reason for my low self-esteem was a liberating one. I just had a baby a few months before, so I had a lot of time where I couldn’t do much but read. This was a blessing because the last thing I wanted to pass down to my baby girl was my low self-esteem!  

This ah-ha moment regarding my self-esteem was also great timing because I was going through some mild postpartum depression and could certainly use a confidence boost. I say mild because I was not treated for it nor did I receive professional help, and I am still alive, but it was not “mild” by any means. 

The Source of My Ah-Ha Moment

The book was Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain. I highly recommend this book if you identify with being an introvert or want to understand someone in your life better who can be described as being so.  In the book, Cain frequently discusses our first class societies and how extroverted people are more favored.

This is not hard to see when you are looking for jobs and the most common attributes used are words like; energetic, friendly, outgoing, etc. Or, when you look at the type of people in our society that are idolized (actors, musicians, etc.). Even if these celebrities claim to be introverts by nature, they certainly don’t appear that way to the everyday person. 

You are Needed, Wanted and of VALUE

If you can relate to this and have felt the underlying prejudice and felt pressured to become someone you are not, I am here to tell you to not cave. You ARE good enough. In fact, you have amazing gifts to give to the world. After all, where would all the talkers be if there were no listeners? This world is all about balance when it comes to keeping the peace, there is no balance if we are all trying to be like someone else.  

Be proud of who you are, find a way of expressing it that you are comfortable with, and do NOT apologize for it.  

Have you felt this underlying prejudice in our society? If so, in what way? Please comment below. Or, if you would like further help releasing your low self-esteem, sign up for the newsletter today! I have plenty of goodies to share that can assist in your seeking journey.