Solutions to Overwhelm for Empaths
Last week I came face to face AGAIN with one of the most difficult struggles of my life. No, this was not an external event, however, an internal one driven by an array of external forces.
On my girls’ first day back to school, I spent the day having crying spells and anxiety attacks, going through a rollercoaster of emotions. I felt everything in the book that day, from excitement to hopelessness.
I was overwhelmed by several changes that were happening or going to happen soon. As usual, my brain likes to dump everything on me all at once in one day. Leaving me having to deal with ALL my issues at one time which is just not possible! Hence, the anxiety attacks!
Eventually, I was able to be at peace with what is and move forward in actions that would benefit future situations. In the past, it may have taken me a few days to get out of that state, but within a few hours, I could be calm enough to move on.
You may be asking yourself, “But, HOW?” Well, it is probably simpler than you realize. Let’s break it down…
3 Root Causes of Overwhelm
1. Taking On What Isn’t Ours
First, let us dive into why as an empath this overwhelm happens so often. One of the reasons may be because we feel and sense others’ energy and tend to “take on” that energy. For instance, in the day I was speaking of, I may have been taking on my daughters’ worries as well. Also, this can also be referring to taking on others’ responsibilities. Which causes us extra stress.
2. Feeling Guilty and/or Shame
Another reason is that we can feel guilt or shame for our feelings because we are aware of how it affects others around us and can see the damage it is causing, making them more intense. An example of this may be losing your patience with loved ones because of your internal emotional turmoil. Or, we can simply feel guilty for having feelings because at some point someone taught us it wasn’t okay, or weak, etc.
3. Avoiding the Present/Negative Thought Habits
At some point in my journey, I read a quote from Lao Tzu, who said,
“If you’re depressed, you’re living in the past. If you’re anxious, you’re living in the future. If you’re at peace, you’re living in the present.”
Basically, in steering ourselves AWAY from the present, we are causing issues for ourselves in the present and, by default the future as well. Our emotional overwhelm that we battle with is often caused by focusing too much on the past or what is going to happen in the future.
Thought habits that do this steering, like; worrying, replaying the past, doomsday thinking, jumping to conclusions, criticizing, “should” statements, etc. always come up in both of those scenarios AND are often the root cause of the overwhelm.
In this state of overwhelm, it can often feel like a tsunami crashing upon our lives and therefore, it can feel a bit hopeless, as if we will never get out of it.
However, today in this post, I am going to give you some tools to equip yourself, so that the next time you are faced with these overwhelming feelings you can navigate it! Remember, in the ocean of overwhelm, you CAN find your island of calm! No matter how daunting it may seem.
To resolve your overwhelm in a specific moment, let’s break it down into 3 Steps, in which each step is based on the three root causes of the overwhelm, discussed above.
3 Quick Steps to Finding Your Island of Peace
1. Remove the Burden of Others
First, let’s identify if the reason for your overwhelming state is coming from others. A quick way to test is, is noticing if your thoughts are focused on others and how they are feeling/thinking.
For example, internal dialogues such as, “I wonder what they are doing right now. I really hope they are ok. Hopefully, Jamie isn’t mean to her again.” Basically, if the thoughts are about how the external is affecting someone ELSE, then that is a big clue.
Because at that point you are empathizing and “tapping in” into their state of emotions or thoughts. It is very important that we first remove this energy of others, to properly deal with OURS. Once you notice this, say to yourself,
Take a deep breath and truly release these feelings. A bonus tip to help release the energy of others is by smudging or doing another cleansing process (mindful shower, etc.)In regards to taking on others physical responsibilities (doing their chores, etc.), a hard conversation may need to be had in setting your boundaries. Clear expectations and saying NO, when needed will not only relieve your burden, but, it is GOOD for the other person as well, whom will benefit from taking responsibility for their own stuff.
2. Act of Self-Love and Safety
Next, become aware of the feelings that are left- the ones that are YOURS. Ask yourself, “What could I do right now that would make me feel SAFE?” This is a gentle and loving way of treating yourself. Which is the opposite of creating shame and guilt around your situation.
It will also help prevent your negative feelings from affecting others and stop the blame/shame cycle. Some things you could do are; take space (go to another room), put your hand on your heart and deep breathe, massage your hands or feet, put on calming music, close your eyes and give yourself a hug, get outside for a walk or sit and be present with nature and last but not least is mediation (guided or not). Really, the possibilities are endless but make sure it is something that you really connect with, and you immediately get that sense of calm and safety.
3. Be PRESENT and Dissolve Negative Thoughts
Lastly, probably the toughest issue to tackle is our negative thought habits. Because they are HABITS, we must start to “unlearn” them and provide an alternative habit that is healthy.
To get started on this process, to make it simple, let’s focus on PRESENCE. The best way to prevent emotional overwhelm in the first place is to become more present.The best way to prevent emotional overwhelm in the first place is to become more present. Not dwelling on the past (even if it is 5 minutes ago) or the future. Luckily, our acts of self-love discussed above, do just that! They ground us into the present.
You may find after you do one of those activities, your overwhelming feelings are gone. If they are not, or quickly they are coming back, this just means you must keep practicing presence. Essentially, we are training our minds to NOT continue to go down those paths of destruction.
IF, you tried a couple of things and it is still not working because maybe these feelings are coming from a specific dooming event that will be in your reality soon, then make sure your act of presence is also PRODUCTIVE. It must be an action that helps you move forward with more confidence in the situation. Still not clear? Let’s discuss further below.
Where We Go from Here: Actionable Presence
Sometimes, part of feeling overwhelmed is feeling like we don’t have control over the situation. That we are victims of its inevitable outcome. That’s why sometimes it is harder to shake those overwhelming feelings when it is related to an impending situation (i.e., starting a new job etc.).
If we learn to take steps forward that are rooted in presence as well- it can be even more powerful in helping to minimize those overwhelming feelings.
So, you know the first question to ask is, “What can I do to help myself feel SAFE?” Combine this with the question, “What can I do that would make the upcoming situation better/easier.”
Let’s take the example above, of starting a new job. First, take inventory (write down) your most prevalent worries. Maybe it is not connecting with others/making friends. Or maybe it is learning new skills. Now, put yourself in a state of safety. For example, put your hand on your heart, take 3 deep breaths with your worry in mind, and ask the above question, “What can I do that would make the upcoming situation better/easier.” Let your intuition, not your “head” guide you.
Listening to your Intuition
Maybe the answer will be that you write down all the things you are excited about instead of worried. Maybe, your intuition nudges you to e-mail your new boss, asking what the first thing is they need from you, or how you can best help. Or, maybe you take a drive and get to know the area, so you don’t worry about traffic/finding a parking spot, and at the same time find a quaint coffee shop you can take your break at.
You will be surprised at the ABUNDANCE of solutions to your “non” problems that exist! And, I say “non” problems with the most love. Promise, I know what it is like to be in that state and feel like the world is ending. But once you practice presence and take true inventory of your worries, you will see you barely have anything to worry about. Or, that those “negative” outcomes are something you CAN handle, and therefore don’t have to worry about it!
Worrying is such a WASTE of energy. And, as empaths, our energy is so precious because we are so sensitive. So, it is important to protect. And one of the best ways to protect it is growing a stronger mentality with presence and connecting to our divine power, wisdom, and intuition.
If you would like to tap more into your power as an empath and build up this strength, I have compiled some of the BEST tools, techniques, and strategies all into one program! Check it out here.
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