How Your Identity is Ruining Your Life

Identity IS Ruining the World

Ruining? I know, dramatic right? While I do apologize for the dramatics, I still think that once you read through this post, and do some self-reflection, you will probably agree with me.

If you look at all of the conflict in the world—everything from marital disputes to wars—everyone is fighting from a position that is “us” vs “them.”  So how do we even conceptualize “us” and “them”? Well, with identity markers, such as; sex, race, religion, and social status. These identity markers create walls of division between us. Letting go of these walls that we put up by creating identity markers, could literally stop the fighting. This is because once these labels are deconstructed, there would only be “us” human beings, making up a global community. We would be more motivated to work together and make a better world for everyone. Believe it or not, you don’t have to suffer so that someone else can be happy, or vice versa.

So that, in a nutshell is how it is ruining the world, but let’s look at how it is ruining your personal life. 

Identity IS Ruining Your Life

Identity is an attachment to a concept, which you then internalize to be “you.” This internalization is where the danger happens—it unites and becomes part of your ego.  I am not saying to throw out all of your “labels” because for certain circumstances, it may assist in creating healthy boundaries or establishing guidelines, (for example, teacher and student).

However, if you internalize and become attached to being a “student,” eventually having to leave school may result in a breakdown, such as an “identity crisis”. The idea of leaving school may make you so terrified that you may keep going back to school where you remain comfortable in your identity as a “student.” This could lead to lots of debt, getting behind in a possible career, living with your parents for a little too long, (which could damper your social or romantic life), and many other life altering consequences.

Alternatively, if you could say something to yourself like: “I am NOT just a student. I am a beautiful soul and have many amazing opportunities waiting for me.”  This alone will allow you to break through your own walls, claim the real you, and go forth seeking those amazing opportunities.

If you are getting offended by any of the comments that I have made, well, it proves my point that you are too identified with your labels. Ego is based upon your identities, and to live a more joyful and boundless life, your ego has to move aside. Even if you could detach from the labels just for a little while and see the real, gorgeous you, then you would get a glimpse of the freedom and self-confidence that is possible when letting go of your identities. 

You cannot be offended if someone calls you fat, ugly, black, white, etc., if you do not identify with it. Don’t believe me? Well, just imagine someone calling you a racial slur of a different race you don’t identify with. That doesn’t make you upset right? That is because you don’t identify with it. In fact, you can use the words that actually offend you as clues to which identities you may need to let go of. 

An Exercise for Letting Go

Identity is such a huge thing in pretty much every culture. So much of our lives in based on our identities. Therefore, I realize how difficult it may be to read these concepts, never mind put them into practice. However, let’s go through a more in-depth exercise to help demonstrate the freedom that can come with giving up your identity:

• Please close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
• Imagine yourself in front of you, with all your identities attached to you. For example, if you are an American Hispanic female college student, you may see yourself wearing college apparel, holding some books, have your hair done that is related to your ethnic roots, holding an American flag and maybe another flag that represents your ethnicity. (Can you already see you are putting yourself into a “box” and even stereotyping yourself?)
• Now, imagine “stripping” away all those identity markers (don’t worry I am not saying imagine yourself naked, because those could still bring up “identity factors”). However, do completely erase what you see. You may be left with nothing at first or just an outline of something—that is ok.
• So…what are you left with? Take few moments and see what really shows up. Draw or describe on paper if you can. This is who you really are.

Break Free

Isn’t it incredibly freeing to not be tied down to all your identities? Could you imagine living your life every day with this freedom? How confident yet humble you would be? How fearless, yet loving? I believe this is how we are all meant to be. Actually, not “meant” to be, because deep down this is who we really are. But it is about stripping away the identities and being brave enough to uncover our true self and then be even braver and express it to the world.

What are your identities that you feel are holding you back? Is there a label you are offended by that you would like to let go of? Please comment below, I would love to hear your thoughts! Or, sign up to our newsletter for more insights, tips and exercises to allow your full potential to come forth.